Hey y’all!

For my returning readers, I see you! To my new readers, I’m so glad you chose to stop by!

This is straight no chaser; you are not ready to heal if you can’t be accountable! You are TRULY not ready if the discussion stops at what others did to you.

If the above pissed you off, I’m sorry this may not be the blog for you at this moment. I still love you though! I want you to be better and do better, but healing only occurs when you’re accountable, honest, and ready to do the HARD work.

When I decided to start my healing journey, I had it in my mind I was healing from people who hurt me. People did me wrong and they were the problem.

That’s not an entirely false statement, but I had to be honest about how they got in my life and the part I played. I was part of the problem and in some cases I was the problem. You know the saying, hurt people, hurt people.

Most times it’s easier to blame someone else. They did something to us, and we use what they did as a reason to justify our bad behavior. Initially, that works but at some point, you have to grow up and realize that bad behavior is a choice.

I used to say “Well, that’s just the way I am, take it or leave it.” Newsflash: That thinking is a cop-out for accountability and growing beyond your comfort zone. I found out real quick, some people had no problem chucking the deuces and leaving.

You have to ask yourself, is who I am who I want to be? If the answer is no, change. The bible says “Be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind.” Healing requires you to change your mindset. You can’t always be the victim; you shouldn’t want to be. That role requires you to give up a lot of power. You are at the mercy of someone who isn’t you.

Healing requires you to own up to your Sugar Honey Iced Tea! You have to tell the truth about who you are and your flaws. You have to own your stuff. I remember having to admit I was spoiled. After admitting it, I had to accept the fact I had unrealistic expectations for people. I expected everyone to say yes. As an adult, in adult relationships, yes is not the answer in most cases.

If you told me no, I pitched a fit or wrote off the relationship. No wasn’t something I heard often, and I didn’t think I should have to. I lost friendships because I wasn’t willing to grow past being spoiled. That was poor behavior and I paid for it. I couldn’t blame anyone but myself.

When you’re healing, you look at the past while being present and preparing for the future. It’s exhausting!

I know I’m not the only one who thinks back on something and immediately gets 38 hot. I have to get myself together real quick, like okay Dee, that was in the past. We’ve moved passed it, we’re here now and we know how to handle it/them, so we don’t have a reoccurrence in the future. Real life example of how it happens!

Bottom line, at some point you should want to be in control of your life, all of it. The good, the bad, and the ugly, because it’s your life. There are too many of us walking around holding grudges and the person you’re mad at is living their best life!

Life is entirely too short. Okay, they hurt you, address it and move on. You have to own your experience, your feelings, your thoughts, but to me the most important one, your response.

I think sometimes we overcomplicate life. There are three timeframes; where you been, where you are, and where you’re going. The truth of the matter is life is going to move whether you choose to or not. YOU decide!

If you believe in the Almighty God, higher power, universe then here’s something to think about. Your life is already planned out. Your steps are already ordered, you just have to move your feet. Faith without works is dead…AMEN!

We are all flawed and fall short of the glory of God. We are not perfect. But we are adults. As adults we need to choose how we want to show up in the world. We have to own our stuff and take accountability for the part we play in our lives and in the lives of others.

I always think about how I want to be a positive example for my children. I want them to see firsthand how to take accountability, handle conflict, and how to control themselves. I don’t want them to experience unnecessary hardship or hurt because I didn’t show them how to make better choices.

It’s not easy but it’s doable. You have to make a choice to take a chance, or your life will never change.

Healing is a journey; you decide where you want to go.

I love y’all 🤟

~Dee