Hey y’all!!

For my returning readers, I see you! To my new readers, I’m so glad you chose to stop by!

Mental Health Awareness Month and Mother’s Day occur in May, so I want to chit chat about the importance of self-care and support.

Listen ma’am you do not have to be superwoman! That’s not what you were created to do!

To my independent strong black women, I know some of y’all just cringed. I hear y’all now, “girl I got it!” If you said that, I urge you to immediately purchase Get Over I Got It by Elayne Fluker. I promise you; it will change your life!

Let me start by saying, self-care is not an option it’s a necessity! It’s a non-negotiable, okay? You take care of your kids, your family, you have a career, trying to respond to text messages, drink your water, you’re the strong friend in your circle, all the things; but how many times have you asked yourself, what do I need? Yeah, I’m stepping on toes tuh-day!

Self-care isn’t just going to the spa, getting your hair and your nails done. Self-care includes checking in with yourself, maintaining a regular sleep routine, eating healthy, working out (Lord be an accountability partner), sometimes it’s doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, and saying no!

For the record, NO is a complete sentence. Period. One more time for the people in the back; NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE. Maintaining your emotional, mental, and physical wellbeing is of the utmost importance!

Auntie Iyanla said it best, “It’s self-FULL to put yourself first. Come with your cup full. What comes out of the cup is for y’all but what’s in the cup is mine!”

It’s hard to take care of other people when you aren’t taking care of yourself. You can’t give what you don’t have.

I was listening to a discussion by April Mason, a feminine lifestyle strategist, and she made a statement that really made me think. “Please do not address me as a strong independent black woman. It is not a compliment.”

That statement implies you are strong, and you can handle it. That may be true. However, just because you carry it well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy sis! For many of us, we are burnt out, beat up, exhausted, and running on fumes because our pride is too big to say, I need help. You can ask for help voluntarily or your body will do it for you involuntarily!

Everyone should have a self-care toolkit. Why I feel like a bunch of y’all are looking at me crazy?

A self-care toolkit is resources you leverage to respond to the uncontrollable. It’s how you stay grounded in uncertainty and when you just plain ole need a break!

My self-care toolkit consists of prayer, meditation, music, reading, doing something that brings me joy, being in nature, journaling, traveling, and asking for help…sometimes. This is how I deal with life and how I keep myself together!

HOMEWORK: Build your self-care toolkit.

In her book Get Over I Got It, Elayne says Support is Sexy. I know, I know, asking for help is very uncomfortable for some of us. I get it! I hear you, if I ask, they’re probably going to say no, if they do say yes, they aren’t going to do it the way I would do it. Believe me, I said the same thing! I had to look at it from a different perspective.

“What’s your perspective Dee?”

When it comes to asking for help or support, I think about who I can trust with what. What can I comfortably let someone else handle and not have to micromanage?

Sometimes, instead of handwashing dishes, I use the dishwasher. Grandma, I know you’re probably side-eyeing me but yes, it’s there for a reason. Another thing is hiring house cleaners. They do it better than me and they enjoy doing it, so I’m gone happily pay them.

Some of you may have to work yourself up to that. Let’s start with something small. If you go to the grocery store and the bagger asks if they can help you to the car, say yes! As hard as it may be, say yes! Even if you don’t need their help, say yes anyway! This helps you feel more comfortable with accepting help and guess what, you didn’t even have to ask for it!

Keep in mind we all need somebody to lean on. We need a support system, a tribe, a village. You need a group of people you can count on, you trust, and who hold you accountable.

Understand, each person may support you in a different way because everyone doesn’t have the same capacity. THAT’S OKAY! Just make sure you give them a position they can play. Equally important, don’t get your feelings hurt when you’ve set expectations for people that you haven’t communicated, or you know they can’t meet.

To maintain your sanity, your peace, you have to fall back. If you can’t fall back, at least lean back. There are things that YOU SPECIFICALLY do not have to do, you can delegate. There are things that are nice to do but not a must do.

Girl, take off the superwoman cape! As a recovering superwoman, I promise you’re still just as super if you ask for help, say no, protect your peace, and love on yourself. You become more super because you show people how to treat you by how you treat yourself.

Too all the mamas, hope you had a happy Mother’s Day! You’re doing the damn thang and I’m so proud of you! To everybody, do something this month to take care of your mental health.

Healing is a journey; you decide where you want to go.

I love y’all 🤟

~Dee